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...of throwing in the towel

You know how they say every baby is different?  Well, "they" are right. Even with the same mother, every baby will sleep, eat, play, act, speak, move differently. 

The eating one has been very apparent to us. Abram was a lazy eater. He never really ate a lot, but pretty much got the hang of it and was fairly efficient after a grueling and determined first four weeks on my part. Supplemental nursing systems, frequent weighings, compressions, and supplementation got us there eventually and he nursed fairly well until my supply went down when he was 9 months and I got pregnant with Selah. So we switched him to formula at 10 months and he was happy as a clam. 

Selah was a great eater from day one. Active, efficient, voracious. So much so that I had oversupply and over active let down issues with her and did all kinds of crazy holds and positions to make her comfortable. But she rarely spit up and slept through the night very early. 

Then there's Simon. Simon. Sleepy eater from day one. Horrible latch, awful reflux and gas regardless of my diet. Frequent spitting up, never seeming full and having to supplement anyway after an hour of seemingly active nursing. We've been to osteopaths, lactation consultants, been on medication, tried to boost my supply, had a tongue tie revision, used essential oils, compressions, different nursing holds, everything I could think of to get it to where he could efficiently eat and be full in under and hour with little resulting discomfort in his tummy or throat. And then last night, after I had been on Domperidone for 24 hours to try and get my supply up (since that's what the LC thought the problem was), he was spitting up everything he was eating. He was sleepy and hungry and when he would eat for 5 minutes and I'd burp him, he would spit it all up on me and we'd do it again. For 3 hours. Finally I gave him some formula, which he kept down and he went to sleep. And I peeled me soaking wet, smelly shirt off of me and literally and figurately threw my hands up in the air. 

So all last night and today we are feeding him formula and I am pumping to try and wean as quickly and comfortably as I can before our trip. Last night was already better. He has already slept better this morning, but he did have one massive spit up on Quinn and is now sleeping in the carrier because he wouldn't stay asleep in his bed, but I didn't expect everything to miraculously get better on formula. I've thought that things were solved before and started to get my hopes up and they would get bad again. So it's possible that will happen this time too. The difference is that my body will not be involved in the problem with his body. It is getting to be too much stress and discouragement to have it all reliant on me and things I can't really control about my body and his facial structure (high palate, recessed chin, tongue tie) and stomach and intestines that are making us all pretty miserable most of the time. 

When he's full and awake without a tummy ache, he's an incredibly happy and joyful kid- and sometimes he is happy despite some of those things - but it was really few and far between and I'm just tired. 

It's weird to be weaning my third child at two months after two other children successfully made it a year or close to it. But it's partly because I am spending so much less time with those first two children because of feeding problems with the third one that I'm ready to throw in the breast feeding towel. 

I hope 10 weeks of nursing gave Simon a good start and that this switch will be something we look back on with no regrets. Right now, I don't have completely peace about it, but I have more than I do thinking about continuing this process of trying to figure out how to really get in a healthy breastfeeding rhythm with him for who knows how long. 

I just wanted to document a little of what we've gone through and our decision so I can look back and remember. Because, honestly, even if I had to keep this up for a year I would probably look back in a few years and have a hard time remembering the details. God's grace gives us mothers wonderfully forgetful minds for the hard stuff l as it gets more and more full of the good stuff :)

Here's hoping I'm on the verge of more of the good stuff. 



PS. Just wanted to include this picture of his tongue tie for reference. I honestly feel like his latch got better after we had it released and the painful reflux and gas diminished some, I think. But he has a really high palette as well, so it's a difficult combo for a little nurser. 

Anyway. There's that. 

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